I can’t understand what’s happening, all are going great forward but on some way I’m halting, I don’t know why, I don’t want to halt. I just want to move on and get a job.
It can be that I’m just frustrated that I “just” got English lessons now, but then I haven’t done anything like that in quite a while.
So I can’t take more, then I just risk to make it even worse. I just have to grab myself in the neck and pull myself up.
Well it isn’t the easiest, but I got to try, I got to make it for my own sake.
Have you ever just lain down in bed, not being able to sleep cause you think, but you don’t know what you think on. I’m having such a period now. It really annoys me, cause I don’t know what I’m thinking, but I cant get any sleep.
I have gotten sleeping pills, but I don’t want to take them, dont ask me why, I just have a that feeling.
Sitting and listening to some strange radio channel, Radio Paradise, found it on ShoutCasts listing top 500, pretty OK chill music.
Sitting and trying to figure out why in the world my X-box is being silly, cutting shoutcast streams, lagging over samba and all strange things. Have adjusted all firewall settings now to so it should be optimal for it, but it still messes with me.
So I didn’t go to the English class today, I ask myself why and I can’t really seem to find an answer.
Maybe all this gets to much, school, social life. The thing is that I know that I cant keep on like this, I got to move on and not skipping stuff, just cause I don’t feel like it.
I know all that I just don’t do it. Well life’s a pain, and that’s it, you got to live with it.
Going to go eat and then do some coding.
It moves on, pretty slow but still fast compared to what I’m used to. It have gone so long time where I have been doing almost nothing, changed sleeping patterns and all strange shit.
Well now it is starting to feel better, and it feels, hmm, nice on some way, but in another way it feels like I panic sometimes.
I got TorrentFlux up and running earlier today, almost crashed the server at one time.
18:21:24 up 96 days, 6:58, 3 users, load average: 17.31, 16.68, 15.83
I quickly noticed it isn’t that healthy for the server to be running 18 BT-clients that are seeding/leeching.
Just noticed that I have lost like 20-30Gb pictures, some backup of text files, some web pages and other stuff.
If you ever going to install a new server/computer, check that you get right harddrive.
One of the files missing are the self biography so I got to rewrite it, got it printed out on paper, just got to take the time to do it. Maybe translate it to english while I’m at it.
Starting to get real tired, haven’t slept yet, think I’m going to bed soon tho…
I took some time off the coding and added some poems from 2001/2002. Its been ages since I wrote anything. Thinking of putting up my Selfbiography on Swedish later but I want some pictures for it first and some better layot on it.
Today have been pretty ok day else, except that I have turned the sleep again, got to try and stay up today and get it right. Going to install TorrentFlux on my server and install some bigger harddrives in it.
Well I’m going to eat some food now and hopefully not fall asleep 🙂